This morning was so peaceful.
I woke up naturally without the loud annoyance of the alarm scaring me to my feet. The house quiet, the room is dark, but I can see raking light behind the curtains and the only thing I could hear was my fats dogs heavy breathing. Oddly enough I’m not bothered by waking up alone, it allows me to stretch carelessly.
I get up to go wash my face, I despise the feeling of oily skin.
Oddly enough my Keurig did not argue today, rare for it to work on the first try. Coffee in hand I retreat back to my bed (my perch) also known as the comfiest place ever. This is where I sit to sip my coffee and scroll through tik tok while waking up. Take my medicine and mentally go over what has to be done that day and wonder where all that 2am motivation goes. You know the kind I’m talking about, when its late and you can’t sleep and all the things you want to change about life hit you in the face. You make a game plan and wake up to a blank slate, all of your great ideas and plans just erased. Is that a female thing, human thing or crazy thing?
At one point in life, I was on top of EVERYTHING. I was an intense planner leaving every minute of my life spoken for. Successful. In Demand. Fit. The perfect crossbreed between mom and purring sex kitten. I was on 3 different PTA’s, gym rat, taught at church, made a decent income, team mom for 2 sports and still managed to get dinner made every night and packing lunches for the next day. You can imagine how exhausted I was. Every night I would lay in bed with throbbing legs and a racing mind that never shut off. One night in particular, during one of those 2am realizations, I threw out my planner. That book controlled my life and left me unable to enjoy anything.
I became a “wing it” person. Sometimes it catches up to me, but I have a lot less stress. Another reason it is near impossible to book an appointment with me.
Speaking of that…
Why is it so hard to book with me? Tons of reasons.
- Kids make life impossible to plan and I kind of like them
- school and studying apparently require time
- Incall is a pain for me personally
- Constantly screening since I’d like to avoid death.
- I hate planning far in advance
- last min appts do not work for me
- Too far for an outcall (older car factor)
As usual those issues avalanche. The stress packs on and then I am back to not leaving my bed. like today, this beautiful Sunday.
I told you I am still a confusing female.
Thank you for reading my rambles!